"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis
In case you are not familiar with The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis, the important thing to note is that CS Lewis was writing from the view of a demon working for Satan. When you read the above quote you have to switch sides around, in order to truly understand. The "our" is referring to the demonic forces and the "Enemy" is referring to God.
In our early Christian years there are often moments in which we truly experience God. Moments in which we feel His presence and we see him in everything around us. However as we continue with God we come to a point in which that experience doesn't seem as real. In the beginning, we follow God because we desire to, because there is truly nothing that we want more than to do His will, but there comes a time in which that desire is less prevalent.
It is in these times that our true nature is revealed and our true power is possible!
When we come to those points where God seems far and we still follow Him, we still look for His will, these are the moments where we can solidify our relationship with Him. These are the moments where we can do the most damage against the enemy's kingdom!
There is nothing more powerful on this Earth than when a Christian, who does not feel like following God, who even finds him or herself doubting God's very existence at times, makes the choice to seek after His will anyway!
CS Lewis's quote inspired me to write this but I write it from my own experience. I have been in that place the last year or so, and off and on for the last few years. When I was in school I was the student who was always praying for God's calling in my life. I had many times in which I truly experienced God in my life. I had many services in which I experienced being "drunk" in the Spirit and times in which God spoke to me. I remember hearing teacher's talk about what to do when God is silent, or why God is sometimes silent and I never truly understood what they were talking about because since I was twelve years old I heard Him speak to me fairly regularly. I even remember talking to Him when I was as young as six.
These last few years I have learned why so many teachers talked about this topic. I have had long periods of time in which I felt like God was nowhere to be found. There were even times where I secretly asked myself why I was still following Him, why was I still looking for His will? Then something would happen, something small but just enough to show me that He is still there. Something that would show me that He is still watching out for me and my family. Something just enough to keep me going.
Now I feel that I am slowly getting out of this cycle. I am finding that I am able to experience Him more often, I am able to find that desire again and be more sure about His presence, but it has been a long uphill battle to get here. I have written before about passing through the storm and Jesus' promise that we are going to "the other side".
If you feel you are going through the storm now and you find yourself in a place in which you no longer experience God's presence know that you will get to the other side!